What do you want to do?

I want to build stuff. To create.

What would you like to build?

The future. I want people, in a few years to say “this, all this is possible because of what Etinosa made”.

I know that oblivion is coming, but I don’t want my memory to fade gently into the night. I want people to remember.

So, you’d like to be immortal?

Yes, yes I would. In fact I believe that this is the goal of every living organism. It’s expressed in how they avoid harm to themselves, seek out nutrition and ultimately, reproduce. Nothing wants to die.

Interesting. Why do you think this is?

Design. How do you build a self-perpetuating system? Encode a sense of immortality. An aversion to endings and it’ll find ways to stay alive.

This is all well and good, but it still doesn’t describe the projects you’ll be working on.

That’s the problem, isn’t it? I don’t know either. I recognize that I’m a little lost. I know the overarching goal, but the small steps, the small steps elude me.

Did you have them before? Were the intermediate steps ever clear to you?

Here and there. I think my strategy is called (as I’ve recently learned in my CS classes) a greedy algorithm. Based on my overarching goal, in each scenario, I’d pick the best possible option in that moment. It was never something written down or anything, just that in each situation, the next step would be clear.

What has changed then?

I think I’m a little distracted from looking at other people. I really need to keep my eyes on my own track more. Thing is, I’m almost never looking at people at or close to my level. I’m likely looking further afield and thinking “damn, I wish I was up there”.

An unhealthy attitude, don’t you think?

Certainly, and like I’ve said, I’m going to try to focus on myself more. Remember my goal isn’t to be the biggest or the best. I want to be remembered. And sure, you can get that by being biggest or best or even first, but I don’t think you have to compete to be remembered.

On the matter of competition, you were quite the sore loser when you were younger. Is that why you aren’t keen on competing?

In some ways, yes. I’m afraid of losing, in any sense. I hate it. I hate losing people, I hate losing contests, I hate losing positions. Loss always hurts. But, it’s part of life. Scarcity is what ascribes value, in many ways. A previous loss can make a victory earned even sweeter.

So, while I fear loss, I do not run from it.

My reluctance to compete boils down to the zero sum nature of human games. One winner, others losers. In pursuing immortality, I hope to make life a little better for everyone. I want to be remembered for pushing humanity, collectively, a little further. No losers. Only winners.

Inspiring. Thank you for your time Etin. Riveting conversation as always.

The pleasure was all mine. We should do this more often. Certainly lightens the load.

We definitely shall.

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Thank you for reading! This has been one of my internal conversations. I find that writing them down helps and now I own a blog, so…

Anyway, this isn’t particularly intended for the consumption of others, so if you do find it, bear that in mind.